Of course, it is hard to be in a relationship where you love a person who is wicked and monstrous, yet you don’t know he is. But the problem is you are all confused about whether the person is wrong or you have erroneous perceptions about him. And all this perplexity does not allow you to make a sound decision. But the question is, why is it so hard to distinguish a toxic relationship? How often do you catch yourself asking Am I in a toxic relationship?
Well, firstly, you somewhere know that something is wrong, but you do not know how to change the things in your favor. Secondly, you are not aware of being victimized, and hence you take the abuse positively as if it were required to sustain the relationship. That is the reason it becomes hard to distinguish a toxic relationship.
Based on some of my personal experiences, I have shared some points that will help you in determining whether you are in a toxic relationship or not.
Time to ask yourself “Am I in a toxic relationship?”
1. Are you made feel guilty all the time?
Let’s take an example. You went out with your friends for dinner, and you did not invite your partner, and a majority of your friends were of the opposite sex (also there were girls). It may not be a problem for you to hang out with all the handsome-looking guys, but your partner does, and he blames you for having an affair with one of those guys.
How would you react? First, you will feel guilty for not inviting your man to the dinner. That’s because you thought they were your friends and you should spend time with them without your partner. But this does not go well with your man. And he uses this incident to make you feel guilty whenever you have an argument.
Furthermore, some men make their partners do awful things for their mistakes. And the victimized partner fulfills their toxic partner’s fancy out of guilt.
Does this happen to you all the time? Then, you are in a toxic relationship. Get out of this toxic bond immediately.
2. Your partner lies to prevent accepting the mistakes
There may have been instances where you know your partner has done something wrong, and you just confront him to know why he did it. But instead of admitting their mistakes, they deny doing it by lying to you.
And you have caught your partner lying to you on several occasions. It means your partner is a great liar, and he does not value the relationship. He just wants to save his ass from getting whipped. This way, you can distinguish a toxic relationship. A liar can never be a good partner.
3. He spends your money without your knowledge
Okay, so have you granted him access to your money? Well, you have made the worst mistake of your life. Never give access to your money to anybody, no matter how loving and caring they are.
People are here to exploit you. And if you have someone in your life who spends your money without your knowledge or permission, then yes, you are being exploited. Exploitation of any kind means you are in a toxic relationship.
If you shared your card details and PIN with your partner, then it’s time that you change it or destroy the card. Get a new one, and make sure this time you don’t give away the details.
4. Are you asked to believe that you should endure pain for love?
How often do you think that you are not happy in a relationship? Does your partner make you feel that it is okay to feel pain in the name of love? If this is how your partner makes you feel and forces you to have certain baseless beliefs then he is toxic.
And that is the reason he treats you badly. It is an obvious sign to distinguish a toxic relationship. You should get out of such a relationship. The more you hold on to this man, the more submissive you will become.
So, to protect your mental health, you better get rid of this man. Love brings stability and serenity in life, not pain.
5. Are you told that you are not worthy of love?
If someone tells you this, better ask yourself why someone would talk to you harshly. You know for sure that you are doing enough for the relationship to grow. And you are committed to your partner, yet your partner treats you like you are an animal.
If you are way too dependent on your partner (financially and emotionally), then your partner may be taking advantage of the good deeds he is doing for you. He will make you feel you are inferior to him. So, it is up to you to decide whether you wish to continue in this relationship with the condescending treatment.
6. Your partner is abusive and beyond your control
Okay, it is a clear sign to distinguish a toxic relationship. Any partner who hurls abusive words and often uses foul language is a toxic person. But some people also exploit their partners by other means.
For instance, are you made to cover a major portion of the expenses? But you do it because you love your partner and you don’t want to hurt him. Whereas, he sits at home and does nothing all day. Yet, he is abusive and incorrigible. Why are you in this relationship then? Ask yourself.
Get out of the relationship and seek true love. But first, love yourself.
7. Do you have a hint that he is cheating? If yes, then you should ask yourself- Am I in a toxic relationship?
You will never discover whether your partner is cheating unless you track his activities. But their behavior will make it obvious that they are cheating. For instance, not sharing the mobile phone with you, talking to you in an over-affectionate way out of nowhere, or waking up late at night and talking over the phone in a muffled voice.
Of course, there are some other hints as well. But you will see some unusual changes in your partner if he is cheating. If you become sure and yet he is denying it, then you better take a stand and quit accepting the lies. A cheating partner can never be a good life partner.
8. You are a victim of gas-lighting
So, how often are you made to believe that something is wrong with you and you are toxic? Does your partner say that you are driving him crazy, whereas he is the one who is the tormentor? It means you are being gas-lit.
Toxic people have the knack of playing the victim’s card. They know how to behave like a victim when you question them for their actions. But it is hard to convince yourself that you are not at fault. Hence, many women commit suicide due to torture from their partners.
9. There is a strong feeling of dislike for each other. If this is what you have on your mind then you are right in asking yourself- Am I in a toxic relationship?
Well, it is easy to distinguish a toxic relationship when you are living with a person just for the sake of it. You just want society to know you are in a relationship. But there is a strong feeling of dislike for each other.
There is no love or affectionate feeling. You are just existing together for the people around you. But within, you speak of negative things about your partner. There is only hatred and a strong feeling of distrust for each other. That is a toxic relationship.
10. Have you accepted that a sour relationship is better than living alone forever? Better stop asking yourself- Am I in a toxic relationship?
Well, if you are aware of the reality that your partner is not of a stable mind and is a tormentor, yet you are still with him, then, it means that you don’t want to leave your partner, despite, his abusive actions and behavior.
You have accepted that it is better to have a relationship than nothing. Irrespective of how dull life you are living with this toxic person. Then, you are in a toxic relationship willfully. You only have two options- either quit or stop complaining and continue living in that hopeless relationship.
Conclusion
You need to understand that these are some signs of a toxic partner and their behavioral pattern. There could be other traits that may look too pleasing and comfortable, but ironically they aren’t. If you find yourself doing things that you don’t like yet you do them because you love your man, then ask yourself, Are you happy? Why Am I doing it?
If a relationship brings you pain instead of joy then you shouldn’t be in such a relationship. Love nurtures, doesn’t torture. If you have started believing that pain is necessary to have a relationship then you are brainwashed by your toxic partner. Please get rid of him as soon as possible. Seek help. Talk to a relationship counselor.
