There may be many reasons as to why you have been thinking- ‘Should I get back with my ex?’. But you need to understand that nothing is more important than your feelings and self-respect. If your feelings are hurt deliberately, and your self-respect is crushed with ill-treatment by your ex, then you must think twice before you say yes to him again.
When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see- a well-respected and adored woman or an ill-treated and belittled lass?
But if you have stumbled upon a thought where you think ‘Should I get back with my ex?’, then you must ponder upon the following questions.
1. Why did you break up in the first place?
Yes, this question will simplify your thought process. If you wish to go back to your ex, then first answer, why did you go separate ways? Around 70% of your thoughts about going into your ex’s life again will be reversed upon answering this.
Also, when you broke up, was it mutual? Was there any ghosting involved? If the breakup was mutual, then you both knew things won’t work out. But if your partner broke up with you, then you should not think of going back to him, unless he has a valid reason for his persistent pursuance.
2. Just because you are tired of dating new guys, do you want your ex back?
Okay, not finding the right match or a new partner can be frustrating. But that does not mean you should go back to your ex. If you ask him to patch up then what was the point in breaking up? You will again get trapped in the vicious circle of patch-up and break-up.
Believe me, getting out of the trap is even more exhausting. So, be patient. Do not date for a while, stay single, and enjoy some time alone. It will clear your mind. You can also find time to analyze what went wrong in the previous relationship. Avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Jot down what you are looking for in your new partner. But don’t think of going back to your ex just because you cannot find a new partner.
3. Is your current partner not loving and caring enough?
If you get into a rebound relationship, you tend to start comparing your new partner with your ex. Ideally, it is wrong, but it is mainly psychological. You should not get into a relationship immediately after a breakup. Give yourself some breathing time.
Even if you find a new partner, then do not compare him with your ex. Maybe your new partner has a different style of expressing his love for you. Look for those signs. And if you still think that your partner is not passionate enough, then talk to him.
But in any case, going back to your ex is not the solution. Every relationship takes time to flourish. So, slow down and think about your current relationship. Communication is the key, if it still doesn’t help in building a strong bond with your new partner, then give it a full stop, but no going back to your ex.
4. Are you planning to take revenge?
Wish to go back to your ex just to take revenge? Then what will you gain? Nothing. Don’t get so vindictive. Let karma play its role. If your ex has done something wrong to you, then don’t become like your ex.
Instead, sit back and think that you are lucky to have seen his worst side, and now you can move on without any second thoughts. But going back to him to take on revenge will never satisfy your ego. On the contrary, you will become a highly toxic person.
You can rather use that frustration and anger to build a better you. Don’t fall prey to your negative thoughts.
5. Are you looking for financial support?
One of the common reasons why most women go back to their toxic exes is to get financial support. That is the reason you should never rely on anybody for your financial needs. Build your own income sources.
Try to become financially independent instead of going back to your ex. Financial support should not be the reason to fall prey to your ex’s demands. But if you still have no option, then seek your friends’ help or talk to your parents. Ex is not the solution. Think about it before you ask for any support from your ex.
6. Is anyone pressuring you to get back to your ex?
Firstly, if you aren’t in love with your ex for real, then you must not go back to him. Secondly, if it is your friends, family, or relatives who are influencing you to contact your ex even when you don’t want to, then explain to them why you wish to stay away from him.
But only because you are coerced, you should not restore your love life with your ex. If you wish to go back to your ex because you had an epiphany and you have realized your mistakes as well, then it is okay. You should admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness. But do not make a wrong decision because of any pressure.
7. Is jealousy making you go back to him?
Another common reason why women tend to go back to their exes is jealousy. Not just women, but even men fall prey to this envious feeling. When you come to know that your ex is dating again and has a beautiful partner, it is obvious that you will feel jealous.
But don’t let that negative feeling overpower you and force you to make a wrong decision. Always remember this thumb rule- if you had a breakup, then give yourself some time, do not jump into a new relationship immediately, and do not try to go back to your ex if you don’t love him.
8. Is it because you are lonely, you have been thinking- should I get back with my ex?
So, you wish to go back to your ex because you cannot find a company to enjoy, and you are lonely? Well, for loneliness, there is a solution- start befriending people. Join a group or a club that enjoys similar hobbies as yours.
Make friends and bond with them. Also, this does not mean to start dating immediately. You should take a break from dating for a while until you start feeling at peace. Once you set your mindset right, start dating. But going back to your ex to kill your loneliness is not the solution.
9. Does your ex love you, and do you love him for real? Is that why you have been thinking- should I get back with my ex?
Okay, finally, if you wish to go back to your ex, and you decide to contact him soon, then be sure that you really love him. Just to kill your loneliness and overcome the fear of rejection, do not go back to your ex.
If there is no love and yet you get back to him, then you are merely compromising. You have undervalued your feelings and crushed your self-respect for him. That will cost you a lot in the long run. Will you be able to fill that void? Answer this question, and only then contact your ex.
10. Remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you still believe it is wise to think- should I get back with my ex?
So, a final piece of advice- if your ex cheated on you and you have forgiven him, that is a good job. You will be free from negative feelings. But if you are going back to him because he is remorseful for his wrongdoings, then you must think thrice.
I have always believed that if someone has mustered the courage to cheat on you, he will cheat on you again. So, if you are planning to have your ex back into your life, get some clarity on the cheating aspect as well.
