A famous German Philologist Friedrich Nietzsche once said- It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. Our elders often say that marriages are made in heaven. But I think they are wrong. Maybe you are paired with a suitable match in heaven. But on earth, you pay a price to make your marriage work, so that it seems heaven. The price is mostly in the form of compromises, adjustments, compatibility, and sacrifices. In reality, these are the reasons why many couples get stuck in an unhappy marriage.
But is this what a marriage should be like? I think every human being in this world deserves to be happy. Being in a superficial relationship like an unhappy marriage is not a blessing, it is a curse. So, if you have found yourself to be stuck in an unhappy marriage, then it is time that you decide for yourself- Claim your freedom from despair.
Why are you still stuck in an unhappy marriage? Ask yourself the following questions.
- For your kids?
- Because you have nowhere to go?
- You don’t have a source of income?
- Because you are heading to be a senior citizen?
- There are no more friends left in your life?
- Because you have no one to guide you?
- You don’t own a house?
- Because you are afraid of society?
- I will be a divorcee. How will I live with this tag? Does this thought bother you?
- Will my children approve of the separation, if I seek divorce?
These are some primary questions that you should be asking to make some analysis about your married life. But the principal question is- Are you happy? No, right? Then don’t you think you should be putting your feelings first before anyone else’s?
Remember the Following:
Seeking solace and happiness does not mean you are selfish. You are protecting yourself from getting destroyed. And there is nothing wrong with thinking about your betterment.
And my solution is money can solve 95% of your problems. Rest is all in your mind. So, if you have sufficient funds in your bank account, then just leave, and start afresh. Kids will understand you once they grow up and face similar life situations. Do not worry about them.
And to simplify your marriage analysis, here are some tips you can follow.
1. Weigh your options
I believe once you answer the above questions, you will learn what options are open to you. It is never too late to start a new life if you wish to. Age is just a number, you will get older no matter what, but happiness cannot be shelved.
So, check how you can sort the matter. If you could speak to your spouse and make things work by looking at the future ahead, then good for you. But if not, then jot down the things that you can do to get out of the dead relationship. Do not stay stuck in an unhappy marriage.
2. Why did you marry in the first place?
Marriages instituted with a purpose can never last long. That’s because the relationship is established with a specific intention. It carries only a compromise, not love. How will it flourish? How will there be happiness?
You should marry someone only when you love her. We do not live in an age where money can overpower our mental health and happiness. But yet, we surrender to material pleasures and suffer a slow death out of depression. The cause of mental pain and agony is loveless married life. It is just like living with a stranger.
So, ask yourself why did you marry your partner? Was it for love or monetary gain? You will get the answer.
3. Seek help and guidance from your close friends
In times of distress, your friends and family can guide you well. But let them know what you feel, show them your pain. If you get advice to suffer the pain and stick with your spouse in a hopeless marriage, then they are not your friends.
Talk to people who have been through a stage in their married life. You can find many groups on social media that have been dealing with such an ordeal. Join those groups and make new friends there. They will help and guide you in the right direction because they have already been through the pain and conquered their life.
4. Try to establish a friendship with your spouse again. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage won’t help
You can always try to better things by mending them. Likewise, you can try to reconcile with your spouse by being friends with him or her again. Sit in a quiet and romantic place, and talk about how you met and how friendly you were during the dating years.
Past romantic and cheerful memories can infuse love into your married life. Ask your partner to befriend you once again and relive the memories with you. It is a hopeful idea that you can use to reinstate your failing relationship.
If your spouse changes for good, then you will be lucky. But if not, then do not cry over spilled milk. Move out of the relationship and do not remain stuck in an unhappy marriage.
5. Try to speak to his friends and gain some insight into his mindset
It will be wise to speak to your spouse’s friends if you wish to know what he shares with his friends. Although his friends may not give you all the details, they will share some inputs.
If you learn that your partner has completely lost interest in you, do not fight to get him back. Instead, choose your new path. But if you see some hope to restore your failed marriage, then work on it and solve the problems by communicating with your partner.
6. Visit a marriage counselor together to prevent from being stuck in an unhappy marriage
If you can sense the strain in your relationship, so can your partner. Any wise elder would suggest starting your married life with a fresh beginning. But it is not possible if the only partner that commits to bring a favorable change is you.
Both partners must agree to reconcile and look forward to starting a new life. To proceed with this, you must visit a marriage counselor. Share your problems and seek solutions. A marriage counselor can guide you well on how to revive a failed marriage.
But staying stuck in an unhappy marriage is not a solution. There has to be positivity and fun instilled in the revived relationship. So focus on that.
7. Do not sit and brood. Engage in fun activities to de-clutter your mind
If you have been married for many years and yet lived a boring life, then you have already spent enough years on a failed marriage. Now is the time to re-work your union and set it straight. There is no point in sitting in the corner of a room and mulling over past experiences.
In the process of making your marriage work, you may lose yourself. So, pick up new hobbies and keep yourself engaged in happiness. Do things that you like. It will help you in de-cluttering your mind. Only a clear and happy mind can think wisely.
8. Study how your future will be if you get a divorce
Planning for your future will help you to determine where you stand as an individual. Analyze your life and how you see your future as a single unmarried woman. If you have children, then you must talk to your children and make them understand.
At first, it may feel weird and different once you go single again. But you also have your freedom back to do things that you have always longed to do. Furthermore, the doors to seek love will open again without any prohibitions or restrictions. Think wisely and decide for a better tomorrow. Do not stay stuck in an unhappy marriage because you get only one life to live.
9. Be prepared with financial assistance if you want to separate rather than stay stuck in an unhappy marriage
Talk to a financial advisor and a lawyer. Make proper arrangements for your funds and secure your future. You will need money to start a new life. So, if you already have a job, then start saving a large chunk of your pay.
If not, then look for a job that will pay you a decent salary. You can also start working from home or seek an online job. The possibilities are innumerable if you are willing to push yourself. Do not rely on luck; start preparing yourself. Keep an aim: Your happiness first. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage won’t do any good.
10. Try to open up to your spouse. Tell him that you aren’t happy and you wish to quit
The last and final step is to tell your partner what is wrong in the relationship and why it won’t work. Also, tell him that you have made enough efforts to straighten things, but it was all in vain.
So, the only solution is to part ways and stay happy. Why stay stuck in an unhappy marriage and ruin the upcoming years?
Conclusion
Staying stuck or quitting will demand a lot of contemplation. So sit in a quiet place and analyze the situation from both ends. How life will be without a spouse and whether you’ll be happy alone? If you get answers to these questions and the questions mentioned in the blog, you may have reached a particular solution.
If you think you can make things work by communicating to your partner then make sure both of you add an equal amount of effort. However, if you think you have been stuck in a rut and cannot make things work, then quit and set each other free from sorrow and guilt. Do not invite unhappiness when you can find joy with a simple solution- liberating yourself from the shackles of an unhappy marriage.
