Breakups are indeed painful. Also, mental agony isn’t easy to deal with. Some breakups take place within a few days of dating. While others happen after many years of being in a relationship. But we also need to accept that all kinds of relationships have their set of ups and downs. However, a breakup is the final stage where everything goes for a toss. Which is followed by emotional trauma and a sense of hopelessness. The different stages of breakup can have a massive impact on you. But how long you stay in each stage is dependent on how you react to it.

The rush of negative emotions affects only the ones who invested a lot in the relationship. Be it emotions, time, money, and energy- the deeper the involvement, the more traumatic the experience is. You cannot stop yourself from suffering through the stages even if you wish to. That’s because it’s a psychological experience. Many psychologists say a breakup causes mental pain that is equivalent to physical pain. So, let’s learn about the stages of breakup in detail.

The 10 Stages of Breakup that Make You Face the Ordeal.

1. A Bolt from the Blue

It’s the very first stage where you are confronted with reality. The Shock! “Yes, we are breaking up!” These are the lines that will make your world turn upside down. Some partners will see the signs coming up a few days before the actual breakup.

If you are strong enough to see the signs, then you can prepare yourself for the worst. But not all can manage to look for the indications. The blow hurts the one who is in the place of a victim. Whereas, the one who breaks up just goes through some guilt that’s all.

When you are told that we should not go out anymore, you keep thinking why is this happening all of a sudden? How did it happen? Why am I out of love now? And more of these questions make your life even more doleful.

2. Disavowal of Actuality

“No, that can’t happen!” “This isn’t how I imagined!” “Why now after this long?” Did you get the inference? You go into a state of denial. You just deny accepting the reality. It’s one of the worst stages of breakup where you start questioning your contribution to the relationship.

You are overwhelmed with such negative emotions. Instead of thinking on the positive side, you get engrossed in self-doubt. Of course, it is difficult to look at the positive side in this stage, but self-doubts only make matters worse.

3. Insanity Takes Over

You get caught up in the mess of self-doubts and accepting reality. You keep checking the phone every now and then to see if there’s any message or missed call from your Ex. At times, you also drop several messages to get your partner back into your life.

This is one of the trying stages of breakup where mixed emotions rule your mind. You turn arrogant, sad, and dull all at the same time. Minor disturbances such as questions from friends or parents aggravate your bad mood. You basically get mad at everything that isn’t related to your Ex.

4. Vindictiveness Creeps In

“How do I wreak vengeance on my Ex?” “I need my Ex to taste his own medicine”. These are some of the thoughts when you are in the phase of retaliation. You think of hurting your Ex so that they learn a lesson. It’s one of the stages of breakup where you are a changed human being.

You are transformed into a devilish thinking machine. Psychologists say that you turn vindictive because you are hurt and you wish to inflict the same amount of pain on your Ex. That’s how the negative feelings arise in you. Of course, these feelings don’t last long, but you need to curb them by deviating your mind from other positive things.

5. Recollection of Happy Moments

Some hurt their exes while others move on to the next phase just by redirecting their attention. They think about the positive things in the relationship they had. Most of the positive thoughts are the joyful and cheerful moments they shared.

The cheery moments make you feel you can still have a good life with your Ex. These optimistic feelings bring you back to a condonation stage. Where you feel, you can forgive your Ex’s misdeeds and bring him/her back into your life.

6. Efforts to Win Love Back- One of the Traumatic Stages of Breakup

This is a very tricky stage because you are filled up with mixed emotions. At one point you think of why you should be compromising to win your Ex back. And the other time you think it’s better to have your love back than stay sad and lonely the entire life.

Despite all the topsy-turvy, you still wish to get back with your Ex. That’s because your mind is driven to the happy moments you had. And now that you are left hopeless, you don’t want to see yourself struggling through the bad phase. Hence, you take every possible effort to get back Ex in your life.

It involves pleading, begging, adjuring, and beseeching to a large extent. Sometimes you even become submissive to your Ex’s demands. Frequent texting, calling all your Ex’s friends, stalking, and sometimes even blackmailing becomes a part of your efforts to win over your love.

7. The Rise of Despondency

You won’t come to this stage if your Ex comes back into your life. But if he doesn’t, then you will gradually slip into depression. It’s one of those stages of breakup where you feel that you have been pushed down the hill. This phase is deeply disturbing and damaging to your mental health.

At some moments, you’ll feel like screaming aloud and getting all your toxicity out. But it won’t be easy for you and even if you wish to share how you feel about yourself, you won’t be able to express it. Nevertheless, you can still approach someone wise enough to guide you through this phase. Your parents and friends can help you to get out of this bad phase.

If you still feel you can’t recover from these trying moments, then call for medical help. Consult a psychiatrist and seek assistance. You don’t have to feel ashamed of yourself. It’s not your fault that you are going through this traumatic phase. Let your ‘ex’ feel guilty about it, you look after your mental peace.

8. Embracing the Truth- One of the Unavoidable Stages of Breakup

Acceptance of reality is the key to recovery from depression. Once you accept the truth, you will experience a gradual recovery from the depression phase. The process may be slow, but you will regain the confidence to lead a happy and more satisfactory life.

Obviously, you won’t be lying in depression all your life. At some point, you were supposed to come out of the bad phase. But the sooner you take the setback in stride, the faster will be your recovery process. Also, in this stage, you will learn that you should not drop the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. You will start loving yourself more than ever.

9. Releasing Yourself from Dejection- One of the Crucial Stages of Breakup

“Why persuade someone when he is not into me?” “Instead, I’ll concentrate on my studies and work.” “I’ll look at the brighter side of my life.” These are the thoughts that will pull you back into your senses. Honestly, the depression stage isn’t the easy one to deal with. But if you manage to see yourself coming out of that stage, then you are indeed the strongest person.

Most people try to cut off all ties with their common friends (friends who know ‘ex’ as well). It’s one of the stages of breakup where people like to disconnect themselves from social media. That’s because you do not want any distractions from social media posts or messages related to your Ex.

You get into a serene zone where you just like to do what makes you happy. It’s a consecutive effort to release yourself from negative emotions. And believe me, disconnecting yourself from social chaos can actually calm your mind. You start learning to focus on other ideas that attract positivity in your life.

10. Turning Over a New Leaf

The last and the final stage of breakup- you finally disconnect with your Ex. You eventually accept that you and your Ex can never be together. You should move apart and live a contented life. This is the stage where you truly feel what freedom means. You are free from stress, free from despair, and free from unwanted attachment.

You ask yourself what were the mistakes that led to rifts between you two. How to work on your mistakes and not repeat them in a future relationship. You’ll also wonder whether you still believe in love. Or do you want to be in a new relationship again?

In addition to this, please understand one thing, to avoid depression never jump into a rebound relationship. People will give you weird advice, that if you get into a new relationship, you’ll forget the old ones. But it may not work at all times. You may start looking for your ‘ex’ in your new partner.

So, if you are going through a breakup. Avoid getting into a new relationship immediately. Give yourself some time to analyze the situation. Look for the flaws in the previous relationship. Work on your mindset, then get into a new relationship with a fresh outlook.


Do you know why breakups are common these days? It’s because we do not treasure each other. Everybody has different expectations from their partners. So, be clear with your expectations beforehand. Don’t let the infatuation lead you to a disastrous situation. Get into a relationship if you love the person. And if you are willing to commit only then take the plunge.

Being in love doesn’t mean that you have been granted the privilege to play with your partner’s emotions. Be caring and empathetic towards your loved ones. You may not have any idea what they might be going through just to keep you happy.

Communicate well, don’t make fake promises, stick to your words, and let your actions speak louder than your words. Not everyone on this earth is lucky to have love in their life. If you have found love, learn to value it. Do not abuse it.

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