A deep and wonderful quote from Franz Schubert made me ponder what a happy and successful marriage is all about. His words were – Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. And it convinced me that a happy married life is the one where your partner is your best friend. That is what makes the marriage successful.
Friendship is the glue that bonds two people together. And if you have found a confidant in your partner, then you are indeed in a happy and successful marriage.
Furthermore, it becomes much easier to sort the problems if you can communicate with your partner without hesitance. Talking, discussing, and giving suggestions are required to have a healthy relationship. And if you wish to keep your marriage going strong then, you must discuss the following questions at length.
Discussing the following questions with your partner will help you understand what makes the marriage successful.
1. Why did we marry each other?
The first and obvious question- what was the purpose of getting married? You may say you were in love, and that’s why we got hitched. Okay, all right. But in most cases, this is not the only reason.
Couples marry each other for a reason; believe me, love is not the sole reason.
The purpose could be anything, but you must ask each other why you should be sticking together. I believe if you share similar life goals only then you should be married to each other.
Find out your purpose. Not to break up, but to strengthen your bond and have a clear understanding of where your marriage is going.
2. Is there unanimity in the decisions we make?
Whatever you decide for your children or your relationship, there has to be a consensus. If the primary decisions in a relationship are taken only by one person, then there will be an increase in disagreements.
To control the disagreements, you should consider your partner’s opinion. Once you both agree to the conclusion drawn, then you can say the decision was unanimous. How often do you discuss with your partner? The more you work together on a decision, the more happy and successful your marriage will be.
3. Do we give each other enough space?
Every human being has an individual life. Whether it is with friends or a team of hobbyists, everybody needs space to enjoy one’s independent life. It is not necessary to do everything together because you are married.
Enjoy your time with your parents and friends as well. The more you give freedom to your spouse, the more successful your marriage will be. Ask each other do you enjoy your me-time. Is there space in your relationship? If not, then work on it. It will lead to a happy and successful marriage.
4. Is it easy to connect with in-laws and spouse’s friends?
This may not be an issue in Western countries. However, it is an issue in India and other Asian countries. Couples find it difficult to establish a cordial bond with their in-laws. And I agree it is not easy because not everyone has a similar mindset.
So, it becomes difficult to start a conversation as well. But how well do you manage these issues and stick with your partner that counts a lot. Think about it and if you have problems, then discuss them and sort them out.
5. Do we take care of our finances the right way?
Money plays a vital role in every married relationship. Financial freedom and security are necessary for a happy and successful marriage. So, you have to discuss your finances in detail with your partner at the end of every month.
Make it a habit to maintain transparency in your financial transactions. If anything is a secret, you will be inviting trouble in your relationship.
6. Do we communicate well?
Short talks or long talks, whatever it takes, you have to communicate enough to get your message across. You cannot expect your partner to understand you without expressing yourself.
You might have read or seen in all women’s related shows or magazines that communication can solve 98% of your problems in a relationship. So, if you and your partner go without talking to each other for days, it means you do not value your relationship. You are on the verge of taking up long-term fights, which may also end up in divorce. Think about it.
7. Why do we fight over petty issues?
You might have heard your granny saying, that marriage works only when both partners work together to put in an equal amount of effort. That’s true. Marriage is also about showing understanding and forgiving for mistakes.
Additionally, if you genuinely dislike being in a negative atmosphere, then you also need to learn how to compromise. Picking up fights over trivial matters will only weaken your relationship. You have to show a bit of understanding, and you should know when and where to compromise to prevent petty quarrels.
8. How can we curb the arguments and disagreements?
Here is a tip- make your set of rules to deal with the disagreements. People will give numerous relationship tips. But when you draw the solutions from your experiences, they work best. Arguments and disagreements are defined by intensity.
So, work on your grass, don’t compare yours with that of neighbors. See how you can keep peace and harmony at your place. List out the topics that you fight on the most. Talk about it when you are away from disturbances.
9. Do we make good decisions for our children?
I believe every parent thinks about this. But they never talk about it to their partner. It is crucial to discuss the future of your children with your spouse. Involve your children as well. Talk to them and ask them how they wish to plan their life. Guide them, show them the right path.
But this is all possible when you and your partner have a synchronized approach. Sometimes children are close only to their mothers, so they open up easily. So, as a father, you must talk about your children’s likes and dislikes to your wife. A congruent approach will prove beneficial to your children.
10. Is the future of our children secured after our deaths?
I agree the question is gruesome. Even if you wish to ignore this, you have to discuss it at some point in life. That’s the reality. You can put this question aside if you don’t have kids.
But you must discuss and plan in depth to secure the future of your children, at least until they reach an age where they become responsible enough to make their living. How often do you talk about your plans with your partner?
11. Are we prepared for an unforeseen mishap? Having financial security is what makes a marriage successful
This is in line with the point mentioned above. How many of us are prepared for unforeseen circumstances? I know nobody is prepared. Certain life situations make us ready. But you have to talk about it with your partner.
When you experience a blow from life, it takes ages to heal. But if you are well prepared for your future, then the intensity of the blow is reduced. You have to be prepared for bankruptcy, accidental deaths, or natural calamities. Financial security will give you the strength to face the harshest troubles in life.
12. How do we divide the responsibilities equally?
A happy and successful marriage also means the division of tasks equally. You have to work out a plan to lay the burden of chores and responsibilities equally on each other. If one of you is the breadwinner, then you have to learn to manage the other responsibilities.
If both partners are working professionals, then the division of workload becomes mandatory. You cannot expect only one partner to behave responsibly. Both partners must be considerate enough to understand each other.
13. How do we boost our intimate bonding? Keeping the romance alive is what makes the marriage successful
Having been married to each other for over a decade, you are bound to lose the spark in your relationship. As time passes, the feeling of intimacy vanishes away. That’s fine because every relationship comes to a stage of stagnation.
The question is how to revive the sunken bond. You have to talk about this with your partner. Unless you open up to your partner, you will never be able to recreate the magic. Communicating about little things will ensure that you still want to be together and be a team. That is what makes a happy and successful marriage.
14. How should we support each other in times of despair?
At some point in life, everyone faces some ordeal. Life has its highs and lows. So, during such distressing times, how do you deal with your partner? Most of the time, people need moral support more than financial support.
So, you have to be mentally prepared to uplift your partner’s broken psyche. Discussing such unanticipated things will reinforce love in your life. It also establishes a stronger sense of belonging with your partner.
15. Why don’t we compliment each other more often? Celebrating each others’ achievements is what makes the marriage successful
Almost 89% of the couples fail to appreciate their partner’s efforts. Appreciating each other for small favors can also infuse lovey-dovey vibes in the relationship. It takes a few words to express how blissful your life is because of your partner.
The more you compliment, the more contented your life will be. The more often you put this trick to use, the more pleasant your married life will get. It is a known secret to a happy and successful marriage that many couples forget to make use of.
16. Why does one attempt to control the other?
If you don’t try to control your partner and neither does your partner try controlling you, then you are a blessed couple. But a majority of couples try to impose themselves on each other. This controlling act ruins the bond of love.
If you experience any such attempts from your partner, then let them know how you feel. You have to express yourself if you feel sad about something. If you keep lying in one place and sulk, then your partner will continue to rule over you.
17. Do you take me for granted? Giving importance to the needs of your partner however trivial is what makes the marriage successful
The actions of your partner will give you subtle hints of whether he is taking you for granted or not. You grow complacent in a relationship when you learn that your partner will never leave you alone. And that she will love you all your life.
Once you start thinking of your partner in this way, you are bound to take your partner for granted. And that kills the happiness in a relationship. A happy marriage is based on how you treat each other. If you ill-treat your partner, love will start disappearing from your life.
18. Why don’t we plan a vacation every year? Just the two of us?
How often do you spend time together? I mean, just the two of you? Talk to your spouse, and make time for each other. You cannot stay happy if you aren’t spending quality time together. A short trip or vacation can be an excuse to show love for each other.
Sit on a couch and plan your next trip. You can also discuss such important questions in detail when you are in a peaceful place. A small break from your routine life can bring wonders to your love life.
19. How do we plan our old age? Appreciating your partner’s views in future planning is what makes the marriage successful
Planning for your old age is crucial these days. Discuss with your partner; whether you wish to retire early, who will take care of finances, and how you plan your life. You must answer all these questions beforehand.
Every individual must ensure that his old age is peaceful. You cannot run from pillar to post to make a living in your old age. So, preparing for your later years becomes imperative.
20. How do I express myself more? Being evocative is what makes the marriage successful
Your partner will explain in a better way how she expects you to express yourself more. All I can give is tips. Say I love you more often. Whenever possible, get some flowers for your partner. You can also get some cards or small gifts to express your love.
If you cannot afford to get gifts, then small praise of words would suffice. Do whatever it takes to make your partner feel valued.
Conclusion
A successful marriage is all about how you make each other feel. How comfortable you are to express each others’ views. Remember no matter what communication must be open and easy. There should not be any hesitation to put forth the ideas while discussing matters at hand.
Always be available to your partner in times of distress. The emotional well-being of both partners in a marriage is crucial to making the marriage work. Avoid the involvement of friends and family while dealing with marital issues. Talk to a professional counselor or a therapist if the matters are worsening. Above all keep the love intact by expressing more and by being transparent in the relationship.
