Gosh, how do I tell him that I don’t love him anymore? How do I handle the emotional turmoil? What if he gets hurt and takes a drastic step? When you want to break up with someone, these questions will haunt you, yet you don’t want him to get hurt. Well, if you put it in simple words, your man is bound to get hurt if he loves you dearly. It is you who doesn’t want to be with him. Also, it becomes all the more difficult to part ways with someone with no flaws, yet you find something missing in him. How to break up with him then?
I get it. It isn’t easy to break up with such a guy. But, if you don’t love him anymore, then instead of ruining his life, you better take a firm stand and leave him for his betterment. Maybe if you aren’t in his life, he will find his true soulmate in someone else. So, go ahead, and tell him that you no longer want to continue the relationship.
Here are some tips on how to break up with someone loving and caring enough to be hurt.
1. Be sure- do you want to break up with him for real?
You need to be clear about why you wish to go separate ways. Are you tired of this man? Contemplate the positive aspects of the relationship. Is there any scope to make this relationship work and be happy with him?
Ask as many questions as you can to be sure whether to move ahead with the breakup plan. The more you question yourself, the more clarity you will gain. If all the answers you get are negative, then you will be sure that you have taken a wise decision, because, after that, there will be no turning back. You will be breaking someone’s heart.
2. Understand your partner’s mental make-up
Before you break the news of the breakup, check your partner’s mindset. See, whether he is not overburdened with stress at work. Or if his plate is already full with anxiety, workload, and other negative emotions then, maybe you should wait.
Instead of breaking the bad news, you better go on a vacation away from him. You need not tell him why you are traveling alone. Just tell him that you need to spend some time alone to relax. But do not drop any hints. Respect his mindset at that moment. Empathize before you decide how to break up.
3. Find the appropriate time
Yes, this point is in line with the point mentioned above. The way you need to think about his mental make-up, similarly, you also need to wait for the right time to strike him with your harsh words (breakup is a harsh word).
By the appropriate time I mean, he should not be tied up at work, or you should not tell him immediately after he returns home from work. I think the appropriate time is when you both are in a relaxed state. It is easy to digest hard feelings when you are calm and collected.
4. Make sure the reasons you give are valid
If you have been thinking of how to break up, then you also need to work on the words you will use when sharing your side of the story. You need to learn that the reasons you will be giving need to be justified.
Don’t give any lame reasons like your feelings faded away for no reason. Whatever your reasons are, make sure, you can give clarifications on the same. Vague or ambiguous reasons will ruin the smooth process of breakup.
5. Be emotionally available to him post-split
You have to keep in mind that your partner will suffer from stress post-breakup. And if he has been too much into you, then he will make efforts to get you back in his life. So, don’t start avoiding him immediately. Be open to his requests; don’t be judgmental.
You need not accept his requests, but at least you can have an open heart to help him go through the mental pain. So, to show your care and concern be available to him whenever he calls you or texts you. Hear him out, or at least listen to his woes. That’s how you should be helping out someone going through a heartbreak.
6. Be prepared for the consequences after the breakup
It won’t be easy for you to move on either after the breakup. Repercussions follow post-breakup. Better prepare yourself beforehand. Why am I saying this? Well, once you express your thoughts with your partner about going separate ways, how do you think he will take it?
He may react violently, or he may even force you to continue, or he may stalk you at work, or he can do any creepy act that won’t make anything easier for you. So, even you need to be mentally prepared for the after-effects. Do not overreact to his actions; instead, talk to him calmly and make him understand why it won’t work with him.
If you don’t want to hurt this man, then you may have to be more patient while dealing with him. It may sound easy to ask how to break up with someone, but it is not easy to deal with the consequences that follow. So, be ready to face them.
7. If you are in a live-in relationship, then move out after a day or two
Let him get acclimatized to the situation. You moving out immediately will break him into pieces. So, since you loved and cared for him, plan to stay with him for a few more days. Let him welcome your decision.
Live-in relationships can be tough to deal with after the breakup. But you may have to work on everything before you move out. That includes settlement of bills and other expenses, and taking away stuff that you shared. So, discuss with him on a casual note and see what he wants to keep before you leave the house forever.
8. Don’t expect him to handle everything without getting hurt- Be emotionally available if you want to break up with someone
You need to understand that even he is a human being. Sadness and sorrow will encumber him. And since he is a lovely human being, you don’t want him to slide into depression, so help him out in every possible way. Don’t quote words like- Be mature, don’t be childish, handle your battles bravely.
Don’t forget you are the reason he will be going through the pain. So, you have to be caring enough to address his needs. Empathy is the key. That doesn’t mean that you promise to set him up with one of your friends. No! Just talk to him and be with him until he completely understands your side of the story.
9. Don’t ask him to be friends with you- It is an important point to remember when you want to break up with someone
That is a wrong approach to ask your ex to be friends with you. Believe me, if you were truly in love with each other you wouldn’t be able to be friends again. And if you manage to stay friends, then you both never loved each other for sure.
So, those who say they are still friends with their exes, trust me, they were never in love. So, you may say that you can stay friends with your ex. But it will ruin the smooth process of breakup. Either he will keep coming back to you, or you will keep cheating on your current partner. So, no friends with an ex. That is the most important rule when you decide how to break up with someone.
10. Tell him he is a good man and he will find love
There are many solutions when it comes to breaking up. And it is up to you to decide which path to choose- the harsh way or the loving way. Once you break up, assure your ex that is a loving man and that he will find love someday. It is just that you were not the right match for him. Show him a bright future. So that he at least has some hope to move on in his life.
Conclusion
Breakups are never easy. So, jot down everything that made you realize why things won’t work with your partner. Also, note the wise and kind words that you wish to share when you break the parting news. Let him know he is a great man and that you don’t find yourself suitable to him.
That does not mean you undermine yourself or put yourself in a bad spot. You only need to boost his confidence in finding love again. Offer your support and best wishes before you cut off the ties. Use kind words and tell him you will be available if he needs help in the future. However, do not be friends with him again. Be clear on that part.
