Firstly, why do couples blame each other? To avoid the responsibility and to prevent the blow of negative words from their partner. But does it work? Is the blame game beneficial? Well, the answer is NO. When you blame your partner, you are indirectly sabotaging your relationship. A pretender, a manipulator, and a liar are not what your partner expects of you. To have a happy relationship and prevent disagreements, you must get to the root of the problem. This blog will help you with some tips on how to deal with blame game in relationships.
The blame game is only for immature couples. It either makes you go a separate way or turns you into a toxic person. None of which helps you in the long run because your mental health suffers a setback in this blame game process. And if your subconscious is not dormant, you may suffer guilt-filled sleepless nights.
Does it help? The blame game never proves helpful. So, what to do? How to stop it?
Here are a few tips that may help you become a better partner who does not engage in the blame game. Learn how to deal with blame games in relationships.
1. First and foremost, listen to what your partner says. Let her finish.
In a relationship, when you engage in a verbal fight, make a thumb rule- Hear out your partner, let your partner finish speaking. Then you can put forth your views. Never interrupt your partner which will aggravate the matter.
Secondly, keep your tone normal. Do not raise your voice; it will make your partner feel that she is intimidated. Also, never try to overpower your partner. Always keep calm and speak at the appropriate time. Make sure your points are crisp and clear.
2. Do not be vague
The blame game begins with trying to confuse your partner, isn’t it? So, if you are already in a disagreement, then exchange the dialogue with equanimity. For instance, if you fought expenses (a majority of the fights take place because of financial issues), then show your partner an itemized bill.
Let her know why you are enraged. When you share your views with some corroboration, you will have an advantage in the spat. But, instead of saying, you did this, you have become extravagant, etc. say- it is time we start saving and avoid squandering.
3. Choose your words wisely
The blame game begins with the use of foul language and harsh words. Explain to your partner why she is wrong but in a friendly way. For instance, if your partner gets a dent in your car, it is going to cost you a lot. You won’t be happy about it.
But will blaming help? You know it is her fault. But, instead of making her feel low or inferior, tell her that it is fine, but the next time, she should be more careful while driving. If the cost is way too hefty, then make her pay half of the amount.
That way, it will make her more attentive to her mistakes. You won’t have to do anything; the penalty will do the job.
4. Make a note of an incident when you were blamed, but resolve the matter soon.
There will be times when you will be blamed, but you cannot help yourself because you have no explanation. So, you can mark a note, and work on your explanation. When you find the appropriate time, explain to your partner.
For instance, you did not pay the energy bill on time, and you were levied with a hefty fine. Of course, your partner blamed you for being forgetful, but what did you do? Hope you did not plan to take revenge.
Well, you simply can say that you had other important expenses to be met- maybe you ran out of supplies or food essentials, and you did not have enough savings, so you did not pay the energy bill. Make sure that your explanation does not sound like an excuse.
5. Keep in mind, you are different from your partner. No two people can be the same.
You have to accept the fact that maybe your partner loves the blame game. That gives him a way out. But that doesn’t mean you should meekly accept to be submissive to his behavior. Talk to him and tell him his behavior is unacceptable.
But make sure you use soft words and lucid language. Your partner must be able to fathom that he is wrong, and he must change his behavior. Make him go through his bad behavior by throwing light on his past actions. Also, do tell him how badly his behavior has affected you.
6. Build a habit of looking at the positive things in your partner
Well, another rule of the game is- do not disregard the positive points your partner has. Everybody has flaws, even you. So, the way you accept your flaws gracefully, why can’t you do that with your partner?
If you land up in a heated argument, then count numbers from one to ten. That will ease your anger, and you will have a calm mind. Then think about the good points you share. Counterattacks will only ruin the relationship. Hence, you must respond in a soft voice. That will help you in keeping your mental health in good condition as well.
7. Deal with blame game in relationships- Never keep high expectations from your partner
I go by the rule- never expect anything from the others. But if you develop an attachment with someone, you are bound to start expecting things from your loved ones. Expectations are not necessarily in the form of gifts or any tangible thing.
Expectations also include- giving time to your partner, making him or her your priority, sharing the details about your day, having meals together, etc. These are a few expectations that every partner can manage to fulfill.
But it will always be better to keep your high expectations at bay. There will be no blame game at all. You will enjoy a happy and peaceful relationship with your partner.
8. You don’t have to say yes to everything
Sometimes, the blame game begins with I did that for you, but you never do anything for me. For instance, if your partner asks you to join him for a horror movie, but you don’t like horror flicks. So, just say no.
But if your partner says he comes to pick up your bags when you go shopping, then why can’t you join him over a movie? Well, it is simple, carrying bags does not harm your mental balance. Whereas, a scary movie can give you emotional disturbance. And that is why you avoid watching those movies.
If your partner still insists, then you better be adamant with your response. But do not jump into the blame game. And next time, do not take your partner shopping; carry the bags on your own.
9. Never include or mention friends or family in your argument- Use this tip to deal with blame game in relationships
The argument worsens when you mention your in-laws or your partner’s friends. It re-fuels the disagreement. Many experienced couples say that when you mention your partner’s parents, it hurts them to the core.
Even if you were on the verge of ending the verbal fight, that one mention of in-laws’ names aggravates the matter. So, never speak badly about your partner’s relatives or friends in an argument. If you wish to bring something to your partner’s notice, then tell him when you are having confab.
10. Learn to value your relationship- That is one of the best tips to deal with the blame game in relationships
The blame game will never help you, not even in your workplace. So, learn to keep the tricks away and stick to having a calmer mind. Practice meditation daily. That will help you to see the brighter side of life.
When you are in a relationship, you must understand that the fights will never last long. But the bonding with your partner always will. So, if you ever think of blaming your partner for something, then just think of the cherishable moments you shared. You will realize what is important to you.
Conclusion
Blame games can ruin relationships to a large extent. Every couple must avoid blaming their partners if something is falling apart in their relationship. Become accountable for your actions. If you have said something that might hurt your partner, acknowledge the mistake and apologize immediately.
It will show that you care about your partner. And that you wish to prevent arguments at all costs. A blame game can never bring peace to the relationship. Better try to stop blaming your partner. Read books, and seek professional help if you do not like to take responsibility for your actions. But never play foul games to be in the relationship. It can take a toll on your partner’s mental health.
