Breakup is painful no matter how long you have been together. Seven months, one year, or three years doesn’t matter. You will undergo a grieving process. And it will make you believe that love is just a myth and that it doesn’t exist in reality irrespective of the years of togetherness. The emotional jolt makes you succumb to a few questions that will lead to loss of faith. Also, you might start questioning humanity as well. That’s how a breakup leaves a tremendous impact on your mental health. But the real question is what to do after a breakup? How to tackle the after-effects of breakup? And how to move on?
Here’s what to do after breakup-If you genuinely wish to start afresh and move on without being skeptical, then you must ask yourself these 15 questions.
1. Where did I go wrong that led to the breakup?
Look, you have to understand that it takes two to tango. You and your Ex both are equally responsible for the breakup. You are not the only one to blame for. But now that you want to analyze what went wrong in the previous relationship, you must study from your perspective.
It will help you learn what your mistakes were. Based on that, you can also draw solutions to avoid making mistakes in the next relationship. For instance, if you were the only one who was punctual, and your Ex made you wait for hours, that means he was irresponsible. And that he did not value your time. So, in the future, in your new relationship, you must ask your partner to respect your time. So, what to do after breakup? Ask yourself this question first.
2. Did I expect too much from my Ex?
First and foremost, you shouldn’t be blaming yourself for having expectations from your partner (Ex). It is natural to have some expectations, but you shouldn’t be expecting too much. That’s where you go wrong. Additionally, did you ever ask yourself, were you fulfilling your partner’s expectations?
Look at both positives and negatives of being in a relationship. I also agree, when you are anguishing about your love-life with your Ex, it will be harder for you to think about the positive aspects.
But, if you do not want to be distressed for a long time, then you must have a clear picture of your future relationship. If you are asking yourself what to do after breakup? Then set some limits with regards to expectations from your future partner. Ask yourself, would you do the same thing willingly for your partner?
3. Were my contributions enough?
It is a tricky question. And you may be tempted to convince yourself that yes, you contributed more than your Ex. But that won’t be true. Had it been, you would have been still together, right? Somewhere when it comes to contributions, something always goes amiss.
For instance, somewhere in the past, when your partner (Ex) needed your moral support during some stressful situation, you did not offer him any support. That may have hurt your Ex badly. And such instances in a relationship often reinforce the negative emotions that lead to a breakup. So, go back into the past and think of such occasions, and judge yourself, where you went wrong.
4. Was I a nagging partner?
Ok, you have to be honest with yourself. That’s because answering this question, will help you to stop being a nagging partner. Who likes a nagging girlfriend or boyfriend? Nobody. Then, if you were constantly criticizing or complaining to your partner, how will he be happy with you?
One has to understand the difference between complaining and giving constructive criticism. When you wish to let your partner know that he is wrong, then let him know with a positive perspective. Show him the bright side; he will take it in stride. But do not keep complaining about his mistakes. So, ask yourself, were you a nagging girlfriend?
5. Was I too concerned about my feelings?
To be specific, here, I am talking about narcissistic nature. Self-conceit is dangerous, and it hinders the progress of a relationship. If you have been too concerned about how you feel, what you want, and where you see yourself with your partner in the future, that ruined a successful relationship.
Selfishness drains the essence of a relationship. If you were the receiver and not the giver, then you have paved the way to break up. You have got to be an empathizer as well. You must show concern for your partner’s feelings. So, now, if you are thinking about what to do after breakup, then think about whether were you the receiver or the giver. Or way too self-centered that severed the bonding.
6. Did we not communicate well?
Disagreements or differences of opinion are all a part of a strong relationship. Yes, that’s right. It indicates that you have the freedom in your relationship to voice your opinions. And the relationships where only one partner takes charge, then according to me, it’s a failed relationship.
So, ask yourself, whenever you had a verbal spat over petty issues, did you and your partner sit patiently and sorted out the problems later? Did you both deliberate on the matter? While deriving the solutions, did you take your partner’s opinions also into consideration? You have to let each other know how you feel, what you want to say, and how to sort out the matters. That is the right way of communicating.
7. Was I too much into socializing and ignored my partner?
For some, this may not be an issue. But in today’s digital world, many couples break up because of being ignored by their partners. Their partners focus only on socializing and posting pictures on social media. If you have been an ignorant partner, then it was your fault.
If you want your relationship to stay strong, then you can’t be focusing only on your friends. And posting your intimate pictures on social media to show off or grab some attention from your viewers can harm your relationship. If you are in a dilemma, what to do after breakup, then think about this. If you were involved in such nasty acts, then you must avoid doing it in the future.
8. How do I tackle depression?
Feelings of hopelessness and loss of interest in life follow once you go through a breakup. But there is something that you can do to get out of the depression. Once you ask yourself what next? And how do I get out of depression? Just follow these simple tips.
Make a list of things that you love doing in your spare time. Painting, cycling, dancing, or swimming, start practicing your hobby daily. Or if you don’t have any, then pick up a new hobby. Try to keep yourself engaged in new activities. Step out of your house, and make new friends. You can also ask your friends’ guidance to help you heal through the breakup.
9. Did we handle the differences effectively?
Many times, during an argument, you come up with fights from the past. You mix up the current dispute with the past ones. And this worsens the conflict. It indicates that you did not handle the differences constructively. Digging up the past in the present situation will only ruin the relationship.
If you have been practicing this habit to deal with problems, then you must work on it. Look for constructive solutions to deal with disagreements and arguments. So that in your new relationship, you’ll be ready enough to sort the issues amicably.
10. Why shouldn’t we remain friends?
Have you been thinking of this- what to do after breakup? Are you contemplating being friends with your Ex? Well, the straight answer is a big fat NO. Yes, many couples, after the breakup, ask each other, can we stay friends?
How is that even possible? I believe, post-breakup, if you are still in touch with your Ex, it means you either love them; or you haven’t been over them. So, if you are thinking of re-establishing an altered relationship with your Ex, then you are digging a hole for yourself.
11. Don’t just mull over what to do after breakup, ask yourself- If I were to change something about the past, what would it be?
Are you pondering about what to do after breakup? And what if you could change something about the past. Then I am pretty sure you would be thinking, it would have been better if you had not gotten into a relationship with your Ex. Right?
But think about your contributions, behavior, and how you used to react to situations. Can you change it for your better future? Think positively. If you want a better tomorrow, then you have to change yourself. Unfortunately, you can’t change your Ex’s characteristics. Just learn from your past mistakes. No other solution, because the truth is you can’t change your past.
12. What should I look forward to in a new relationship?
Love, respect, trust, and commitment are the four pillars of a relationship. So, if you are seeking something in your new relationship, then this is what you should look for. Share your ideas with your partner soundly, let him know how you feel, discuss more instead of imposing views on each other.
Work on these grounds and let your partner also think about how to contribute to building a healthy relationship. Don’t forget, love bonding is based on a give and take approach. So, make an arrangement where you can shower affection on each other without any hesitance.
13. What to do after breakup? Ask yourself are there any positive points?
One of the positive points of a breakup is, you gain a lot of experience. It teaches you, what’s the right way to treat your partner, how to respect each other’s views, what not to say in a relationship, etc. So, if you are thinking of what to do after a breakup, then think, were you being truthful in the relationship?
The other positive point of being in a relationship is, you learn what love is. How two individuals can be a team, how they can be for each other during the tough times. How amazing it is to be in love and how life unfolds itself. So, yes, there are many positives. You need to think in the right direction.
14. What are the lessons I learned from the breakup?
The best lesson you ever learn from a breakup is- Never to love anyone more than yourself. Don’t you agree with me? If you suffered a lot because of the relationship, then you always kept the key to your happiness in your partner’s pocket.
So, the next time you get into a new relationship, never love your partner beyond the limits. Respect your feelings first. That doesn’t mean you should be neglecting your partner’s feelings. But, don’t get over-involved with anybody. Similarly, you might have learned many other lessons. So, jot them down, and take a firm decision of not repeating those mistakes.
15. After the question- what to do after breakup? Ask, how do I prevent myself from repeating the same mistakes?
Do the following if you want to stop repeating the mistakes in a relationship.
- First, don’t compare your current partner with your Ex.
- Never say it’s okay if it’s not.
- Open up and let your feelings be known to your partner
- Learn how to manage your finances
- Don’t be dependent on your partner for monetary gains
- Stop compromising unnecessarily
- Think before you speak
- Do not let the problems go unresolved
- Don’t just say, show through your actions
- Don’t keep following this- Let him taste his own medicine.
Conclusion
Essentially, helping yourself heal post-breakup is a crucial task. So, instead of brooding over a man who left you disheartened, you better focus on healing yourself. Start saying consciously that you were saved from falling into a trap with the wrong person for a lifetime.
Seek professional help if need be. Talk to your friends, parents, or people who have recovered from a breakup. It is all in your mind, so try to control the negative thoughts. You will be in pain for sure, but you have to deal with it to move on. So, distract your mind by thinking positively and doing something productive and constructive.
