You may have heard the term conflict at your workplace or in a corporate meeting. But have you wondered why this term is not limited only to your working environment, it also exists in your personal life? Difference of opinion worsens the matter if not handled with care. It is imperative to use lucid language to make your views loud and clear. And you know managing the conflicts at your work is easy. But what about your personal life? Your relationship woes?
If you have been struggling to resolve your marital woes or relationship problems for a long time, then you must know that you are not dealing with the issues effectively. I read a couple of books on relationships by renowned authors like Terence Real (The New Rules of Marriage), Harville Hendrix (Getting the Love You Want), Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz, and James Witte (The Normal Bar) and I came up with some signs that help us in learning that conflicts are not managed effectively.
Also, if you could find time to read such books on relationships, then please go ahead and polish your mind with wise words from these relationship experts.
Let’s move on to the signs that will tell you that you aren’t managing the conflicts the right way.
1. The disagreements never end on a positive note
Once you get into a verbal spat, you go on fighting on the same topic for weeks. You and your partner never cease bringing up irrelevant topics, and it worsens the matter. If there is a minor disagreement, you both mix the past disputes into the current one.
Result? There is an incessant clamor in the house, and you leave the place without resolving it. You both never find the solution. The conflict is always left unresolved, and it keeps creeping up in newer quarrels. It is a matter of concern, and you are not managing the conflicts correctly.
2. You always leave the conversation abruptly
Heated arguments are tough to deal with, I agree. But leaving the conversation mid-way is all the more idiotic. Allow yourself to calm down when you are infuriated and want to smash the opponent’s face.
Control your anger and do not utter a word unless it is necessary. Once you stop reacting, the other person will also stop yelling. Let your partner know you wish to speak once he/she is done with sharing their views. But never leave the table without putting an end to the fight.
For some, this may or may not be the right solution, but I see this as a better alternative when it comes to managing the conflicts than running away like a loser.
3. Never-ending blame game
Okay, so you fight, and you continue to fight even after the fight is over. Isn’t it funny? No, it is not. If there is endless tension in your relationship, then you will never be able to work on your relationship.
It is crucial to keep your partner happy and put an end to the fights. But if you continue to blame each other for no reason, then you are damaging your relationship. Such bonds never flourish. You will end up getting a divorce or going a separate way. Learn to manage disputes by looking for the right solutions.
4. You hook on to the sour face for weeks
Nobody likes fights, and no one wants to stay in a phase where there is negativity. But if you have a long dispute with your partner, and you haven’t been speaking to each other for weeks, then you are in the worst relationship.
It is not even a relationship; it is just a compromise or an agreement where you both stay together. And there is no future for such a relationship. How long do you think you will be able to sustain such a relationship? forving a bad temper and holding on to a sad face will not do anything good to you.
If you are not happy, just quit the relationship and set your partner free. At least there won’t be any unwanted conflicts. Managing conflicts, the right way is not an easy task, but you need to work on it. And if you are unable to resolve the matter, then better get out of the relationship.
5. Once you sort a problem, you bring in a new disagreement
We all know how disagreements start but know how to put an end to them. Many couples start the argument and never end it. But if by any chance the argument ends, they immediately come up with a new disagreement.
It is more common with married couples. But people in a live-in relationship also have infuriating disputes. The best solution is if you just had an argument and it ended on a good note, then wait for a few days to come up with a new conflict.
In the meantime, enjoy some quality time together. It may happen that you won’t come up with new arguments in the future. You will start loving each other like never before. Why not hope for something positive?
6. To support your argument, you dig into the past
Happy couples try to keep each other happy by compromising on a few things and avoiding hurting feelings. But couples who get into a relationship for a purpose, never understand each other and they take each other for granted.
Also, when it comes to supporting the argument, many couples mix their past bad experiences. The only purpose is to prove themselves right. But why hurt your partner by bringing in negative experiences? Never engage in such an argument, it is one of the best tips to manage conflicts.
7. Managing the conflicts the right way- Approach your friends to solve your problems
Managing the conflicts with the help of your friends may or may not be the right option. Let me tell you why- First of all, you will have to give away all the details to your friends to get the right solution.
Secondly, your partner may not appreciate this if she comes to know that all your common friends know in and out about your personal life. So, getting some tips and sorting your problems is okay. But never give away the details of your personal life to your friends; unless they are trustworthy.
8. You spend sleepless nights thinking about the problems
This issue is related to your mental status. When you brood over your life and the never-ending problems in it, you will have some serious mental health issues. If at night, you are lying on the bed and just mulling over the bad relationship with your partner, then you haven’t sorted the conflict the right way.
You should jot down the problems that you are facing with your partner. The more effectively you communicate with your partner, the faster you will be able to solve the problems. Thinking about it over the bed will do no good to your mental health.
9. Disruption in your health and work- You aren’t managing the conflicts the right way
Isn’t it obvious? If you set your mind on only one task and you are stressed about not accomplishing it on time, you will lose your temper easily. Similarly, if you are thinking way too much about your relationship, and you haven’t resolved the matter with your partner, you are bound to get stressed.
So, the solution is to talk to your partner. Let him know you have got some issues. If you do not solve the problems on time, you will become toxic. You won’t be able to concentrate on your work, and your health will also start deteriorating. Forget about managing the conflicts, if your health goes for a toss, you will not feel like going to work.
10. Managing the conflicts the right way- You enjoy being alone
Another definite sign- you don’t like anyone’s company. You love your own company. You just love to enjoy your me-time and love to be left undisturbed. Well, that is good for some time, but if you love spending time alone, you will become a recluse.
Relaxing and calming your mind is different. But sitting in an idle state and not talking to anyone can destroy your mindset. Seek a professional’s help to solve the conflicts with your partner. But enjoying loneliness is not the solution.
Conclusion
Once you learn to resolve the issues on time you will start living a happy life. When the disputes and conflicts go unattended you develop a sense of insecurity. The insecurity stems from the fact that you couldn’t handle the conflicts the right way.
The more you delay the process of addressing the issue the more you will slide into stress. So, you must choose to resolve the issues at hand by addressing the smallest issue first. Gradually, you can move on to the next issue and that will infuse a sense of satisfaction. Eventually, making you confident to deal with all the issues in life.
