One of the worst things we often expect in marriage is that your partner should by heart the marriage guide and follow it religiously. Why this expectation in the first place? One thing is for sure wedding vows are meant only to impress others present at the ceremony. You can’t take those words literally. Marriage is all about building your own rules and amending them as per the situation. However, marriage is incomplete without love and romance. Every marriage demands dedication and a fighting spirit to keep it going. But in that process somewhere romance after marriage and kids often hits a setback.
I would like to discuss what married life looks like after several years of togetherness and how one can restore the joy of romance if the marriage has hit a roadblock.
First, let’s check out how’s life after marriage and where romance stands. Whether romance after marriage is intact or does it take a backseat?
The First Few Years are Fun-Filled
Yes, the moment you get hitched, you feel the positive vibes. There is this happy and weird feeling to have achieved the freedom to love your partner unconditionally. But that honestly lasts for a few months.
After about eight months or a year, you tend to get engrossed in your work and routine life. The excitement to talk romantically and being in the lovey-dovey mode gradually subsides. It’s the reality of every marriage. Not many observe this, but the spark in a relationship does decline.
Marriage is All About Talking to Each Other from Other Rooms
It’s hilarious, but it is a sad truth. There will be moments where you’ll be just screaming at each other from different rooms. Even if it just means asking for some random favor, you’ll be yelling at each other from adjacent rooms.
This indicates, that somewhere we do get too comfortable with each other and give enough space. But we also become least bothered to see each other face-to-face and ask questions. Some may approve of this as a healthy part of a relationship, but to me, it’s the first sign that you are giving rise to a distance between each other.
Stress Follows Once the Marriage Is On
Of course, stress follows when we undertake an unimaginable task. Marriage is also a task, yes, I shouldn’t be saying this, but the sooner we accept it, the faster we get prepared for it. It’s not similar to an exam, but more of the situations in a marriage are like unanticipated tests.
So, you are bound to get stressed. And believe me, we all attempt to take those tests and pass. If not with flying colors but at least with a C or B+. And that’s ok. If you get yourself relieved of stress, then according to me, you have scored an A+.
Dealing with Petty Fights is Part and Parcel of Marriage
A marriage is incomplete if you do not fight. At least when you fight over trivial matters you are communicating in some form. But obviously, frequent fights do become a major cause of concern if they aren’t resolved.
Additionally, unresolved matters aspirate love from the relationship. So, what do think, how will romance survive? The percentage of romance slowly falls, when the rifts start developing between you and your partner.
Complacency Engulfs You
Every marriage hits a stagnation after years of being together. This makes you inactive and lazy to participate in activities to make your marriage work. You start taking your partner for granted. It’s a human tendency to become complacent, but you should be making contributions to sustain your marriage.
Contribution doesn’t mean earning bread and butter for the family. It also means infusing happiness into the relationship. I agree it’s difficult to manage time, but if you want a happy married life, you have to put in the extra effort. And the efforts have to be from both ends.
The Life Starts Revolving Around the Kids
In most cases, when there’s little or no romance left, one of the partners shifts their attention to kids, especially women. That’s also one of the reasons, that lead to extramarital affairs. Also, you start ignoring your life partner.
It’s not the case in all marriages, but around 70% to 80% of marriages fail because of a lack of romance and attention in the relationship. You may have to step up and form some ground rules to make your marriage work. That doesn’t mean ignoring the kids, let kids also be an integral part of rebuilding the relationship.
It’s a Roller-Coaster Ride
All marriages go through upheavals. There are money issues, work stress, and back at home, you have to deal with mischievous kids as well. It may look easy if you learn how to manage stress. But dealing with these situations daily may wreak havoc on your mental health.
When you are mentally disturbed how can you manage to keep the romance alive? No doubt, it’s fun to be with kids, but dealing with their erratic behavior becomes difficult sometimes. And hence, that may leave an adverse impact on your marriage as well.
No Time for Each Other
It’s evident, isn’t it? Work, children’s responsibilities, managing finances, daily chores, etc. are all time-consuming activities. We all just get drained from managing all this. All we seek is sleep and rest after a long tiresome day. How can we find time for romance, when we can’t find time for each other?
That’s the reality of marriage. Don’t ever believe those who say their marriage is perfect. They have sacrificed a lot to make their marriage work. That’s because marriage is also about compromising for each other. But for many, taking out time to rekindle the romance, is like carrying a boulder on a shoulder.
Communication Gap Builds Up
How often do you ask your partner- “how was your day?”. If you ask every day then that’s a good sign, at least the gap is narrow. If you rarely talk and do not discuss your problems then how would you keep the marriage going?
A majority of the relationships sever because there is no sharing of problems. Couples don’t talk much at night. They are just glad that they have a family and they avoid sharing their burden. But that’s wrong you must let each other know what problems you are facing. That will fortify your relationship. Trust builds up, and understanding each other becomes much easier. Even if there’s limited romance, at least your caring words will reignite the fire.
You Love Each Other But Do Not Express More Often- That is When Romance After Marriage Takes a Hit
Many of you will agree with me. Once you are married, you don’t feel the need to express your love for each other. That’s where romance also comes to a halt. If either of you doesn’t express your feelings, the other one will feel ignored and will move their attention to other important things.
Sometimes it’s just like you don’t feel like expressing yourself, sometimes it’s the ego. You may not even have any wrong motive, but your behavior will be perceived in the wrong way. And that’s where romance hits a massive setback and your marriage starts looking like a hopeless journey.
Now, let’s have a look at tips on how to rekindle the fire if your marriage has reached a plateau.
Make Your Partner A Priority
This is the first step to keeping the romance alive in your relationship. It also helps in contributing towards a healthy marriage. Making your life partner a priority means- letting them know you care for them, you love them, and you are willing to protect them.
You see, legends have said, your actions speak louder than words. So, show your affection through your actions. Get them gifts, take a long walk together, ask questions to start a conversation, and know their inner feelings. Moreover, empathize to understand their situations.
You have got to understand one thing, it’s your partner who’s going to be with you till the end. So, you have to show them what a significant role they play in your life.
Appreciate Your Partner For their Contribution
One of the reasons why romance after marriage goes for a toss is because couples don’t appreciate each other. Not just in terms of how loving and caring they are, but also for their contribution to the relationship.
Appreciation and forgiveness are the keys to a happy marriage. Romance will kick in once you build the happy vibes around you. It’s the little things that make the difference. Saying sorry after a fight, appreciating cooking a good meal, or just a small thank you note for being there for you will make the difference.
Make Time for Each Other When Kids Aren’t Around
If you wish to make your marriage work, you have to embrace fa ew changes in your approach. Take leave from work, stay with your spouse when kids are at school or college. You’ll find ample time to discuss how you feel about each other.
If you have qualms, then talk about them, and sort out problems. Start on a clean slate, and push your romantic feelings. When nobody is around it gets easier to discuss things. So, find time and make the best use of it to restore romance in your life.
Go on Date Nights- Hire a Caretaker for Your Kids
I agree it isn’t easy to reinstate romance after marriage and kids. But almost all couples face this problem if their marriage is difficult. The ground rule is you’ve got to make time for each other no matter what.
Unless you spend together, you won’t be able to love each other again the way you used to in your initial years of marriage. Another lovely suggestion is, to do all the things that you did when you were dating. So, go on date nights and spend quality time together. A couple of hours with a caretaker would bring no harm to your kids. And it will also allow you to spend some more time with your beloved spouse.
Go Wild with your Fantasies- Boost your Intimate Relationship
This doesn’t need much of an explanation. But it’s a fact- your marriage is also based on how amazing a physical relationship you have with your partner. The more you ignore this aspect, the more bitter your relationship will get.
Also please note- at some point in life, your spouse may lose complete interest in intimate bonding. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a romantic relationship. Romance is a feeling and it can be restored by soft gestures like hugging, pecks on the cheek, and holding hands while walking in a park.
So, do not mix up romantic emotions with your amorous desires. Talk more, share more, and listen more. Let your partner know, you love them for whatever they are. Even if you people aren’t involved in physical activities.
Go on A Vacation Without Kids
Spare some extra time from your mundane duties and catch a break. Go on a vacation for three or four days without kids. It will grant you many opportunities to do things together you couldn’t do otherwise.
For instance, if you go to an exotic location like Maldives, Bali, or Phuket, then do water sports together, have your meals on the seashore, and clink the wine glasses to celebrate your togetherness. Like I said it’s the little things that will reignite the magic.
When you are happy in each other’s presence, it will give you a positive feeling that you are a wonderful team together. And you won’t feel like romance after marriage is fading away.
Always Offer a Helping Hand to Your Partner- This way the romance after marriage will never fade
This is one of the most ignored tips, that leads to failed marriages. Romance after marriage doesn’t go away, it’s we who do not pay attention to the details. Every partner in the marriage does his duties without complaining. But sometimes, if one partner is overburdened with responsibilities, then he or she will sulk.
That makes the matter worse. If you identify that your spouse works day in and out then offer a helping hand. Assisting your partner in odd jobs will make your partner feel that you care for them. Showing care and concern towards your spouse will boost romance.
Hug Each Other and Say I Love You More Often
How difficult is this? I know after some point in life, feelings for each other start diminishing but that’s because we start taking each other for granted. You have to make it mandatory for yourself to hug your partner every day and say I love you no matter what.
Make this a habit. I have found that these magical words and gestures often take away the negativity from a relationship. Once you say a positive word, how can you feel bad? That’s the trick. So, hug and express yourself to keep the romance on in your marriage. It’s not hard to keep the romance after marriage on; if you just follow these simple tips.
Sort the Issues Before Hitting the Sack
Never go to bed without resolving the issues. It’s not just bad for your relationship but also dreadful for your mental health. You need to get all the toxicity out before you go to sleep. Talk about the issues, get the solutions, and promise to stick to your words.
Say sorry, kiss each other, and only then say good night. You’ll enjoy sound sleep and you’ll wake up feeling refreshed. And believe me, it works wonders when you sort all your issues on time.
Always Try to Stay in Touch
A Hug emoji or a text with romantic words will always work in your favor. Just look for some opportunity to stay in touch with each other. A call, a text, or any simple gesture to show your concern and love will never take romance away from your relationship.
You can always find some different ways to shower affection on your partner. Sending flowers to your spouse’s workplace, or a message card will also keep the spark alive in your relationship. Also, you’ll find innumerable ideas on the web to keep the romance intact. Choose the one that suits you the best.
Conclusion
Romance is only an idea to keep the attachment and attraction alive. Many couples say they don’t need to rekindle the romance after marriage because their love for each other proves sufficient to have the spark alive. However, if you are among those couples who like romance and an active intimate life then you have to make an effort.
It is not a single person to keep the romance alive. The input has to be from both ends. So, communicate with your partner. Instead of assuming things, speak up. Be vocal about your feelings. Express your idea of romance and work on making your relationship after marriage a successful one.
