What is marriage? It is a promise that you make to stay together, love each other, and keep each other happy no matter what. But you see, every marriage has a different story. The values and beliefs you carry have a massive influence on your married life. Hence, it is better you ask your partner these questions before getting married.
Once you get clarity on how your married life will be, it will get easy for you to deal with the problems later. At least you’ll have your counter questions ready if your partner disagrees with any of your opinions or suggestions.
Now, let’s check out the questions and see if you have your answers ready.
- Is there any family pressure on you in terms of marriage?
Irrespective of love marriage or arranged marriage, it is imperative that you ask this question to your partner. People often marry because of pressure from family members. It is true in the case of impoverished countries like Africa, the Former Soviet Republics, and some states in South Asia. It is more of forced marriage in these countries.
But some countries in Asia continue to follow this tradition even after their children become adults. They take a keen interest in their son’s or daughter’s personal life. So, if your partner isn’t happy about the hitching idea, then look for solutions.
- Should we think about getting a prenup?
Yes, in today’s times where everyone is well educated and well versed with day-to-day problems of married life, a prenup becomes indispensable. It is not mandatory yet, but it is a precautionary step.
It is always better if you have one. But before you jump into getting one, you must discuss the clauses with your partner. If in the future, you part ways, this prenup will save you a lot in mitigating the losses, especially with the division of assets.
- Are you too religious?
There is nothing wrong with being religious. But the problems arise when you force your partner to be religious like you. If, you find a partner who is as religious as you are, then good. But you must not impose your views on your partner.
It is often seen, if one partner is too religious, the other partner finds it boring and unnecessary. So, it is crucial to ask these questions before getting married to prevent unwanted conflicts on religious matters.
- How are we going to manage financial obligations?
There are tons of financial obligations other than loans and outstanding debts. It includes energy bills, grocery expenditures, and miscellaneous expenses as well. Before you take vows, make sure you have a clear understanding of your expenditures.
You and your partner need to manage funds and maintain sufficient balance in your banks to meet financial obligations. But how will you both do this? Who will be the finance manager? So, ask your partner these questions before getting married.
- Do we have a backup plan in case of unforeseen circumstances?
Who doesn’t need a backup plan these days? Everyone must have a backup plan not just to save themselves from hopelessness, but also to curb the unanticipated losses. As you and your partner are planning to start a new chapter together, you must be ready with some contingency amount.
A backup plan is not limited to finance management. A natural calamity or any other mishap can destroy your life. Hence, you must be ready with a way out or solution to face an unforeseen future event. Ask your partner where to fly or move? Or how to manage extra money? In case, if you are forced to leave your country, you must ask these questions before getting married.
- In the case of inter-caste marriage, how should we raise our child?
Couples who come from different religious backgrounds or castes often stumble upon this question. How to raise our child as? As per my beliefs or your values? These are the most dreaded questions.
That’s because these questions often lead to conflicts. As a mother or father, you may always want your child to learn the values that your parents taught you. So, before accepting the proposal, get a clear picture of this issue.
- How do we plan to divide the responsibilities?
In the courtship period, life is all dreamy and fun. But once you decide to marry, you may start getting cold feet. That’s because your elders and friends will commence showing you the reality of married life.
They will tell you how responsibilities will multiply. And that is ideally the right time to work on strategies to divide the responsibilities. Do make a list of questions related to responsibilities and discuss them with your partner in detail. It is one of the most important questions to ask before getting married.
- How often should we give each other space?
Do not assume this question wrong. It is crucial to have space in every relationship. The more you try to control your partner, the more he will run away from you. Asking for freedom or space doesn’t mean your partner needs a break from you.
It simply means you need some time alone. And there is nothing wrong with asking for space. First and foremost, you shouldn’t be asking for your me-time. Your partner should set you free to enjoy your life.
- What if love diminishes from our marriage? What should we do?
Before you take the vows, accept that love does fade away after some time. You either live with this fact or try to change it. And no one is going to tell you the truth about marriage. So, before you hit that loveless stage in life, make sure you have a plan ready.
Talk to your partner and see what you can do if in the future you both stop loving each other. You can also seek guidance from your best friends who are in a relationship for a long time. Or people who have been in marriage and got divorced. They share the best advice. But do ask these questions before getting married.
- Will you indulge in an extra-marital affair if we are away from each other for some reason?
Looks like this question is unnecessary? But it is not. This question will stir up your partner’s dormant conscience. Not many couples discuss such questions before getting married, but it is crucial that you do.
Initially, your partner may say that they won’t do anything wrong that will hurt the other partner. But when you both are away from each other for too long, the urge to have a company becomes fierce. So, this question will bring some clarity to your relationship.
- If we want to separate in the future, how do we do it?
Yes, even this question is important. You might wonder why go the negative way when I am starting a new life with my partner. But life is pretty uncertain, you never know how it will change.
So, if in the future your relationship fails and you part ways, then the process of separation should be mentally pain-free. That is the reason you must ask this question on a priority basis before you take the final plunge.
- Should we hire a financial advisor to divide our assets?
A majority of the time, you require a financial advisor after you decide to take a divorce. But if you divide your assets in the initial stage itself or before getting married, then the separation process gets easier.
Also, when you both become aware of which assets belong to whom. So, you will never fight on the topics related to assets and possessions. At first, it may sound weird, but many couples these days hire a financial advisor and mention an asset clause in their agreement.
- What steps should we take to discipline our children?
The digital world is a great teacher. But unfortunately, it teaches wrong things to children. As kids have access to the internet, they can learn anything without your information. Hence, it is important that you draw out a plan to discipline your child.
You must decide, whether you should hire a nanny or caretaker for your children or not. How to keep an eye on your children. Where to allow your children to go, who your children should play with, and how to watch over them when they use the internet. You have to ask these questions before getting married to have a peaceful married life with children.
- How to fund our children’s education?
Many couples move to a country where there is a provision of free education. So, before giving the final commitment, you must be clear with your plans. It may happen, that you’ll be required to move to a different country and leave your job.
So, you should be ready to make such sacrifices. You also need to be mentally prepared to accept the changes in life for your children.
- When do we plan to buy a house?
If you already own a house, then good for you both. But what if you are going to buy one after the wedding. So, you must be prepared with funds and the strategies on how to get funds if you lack some.
Do you wish to take a loan or mortgage another old property? You must answer these questions beforehand to prevent disputes in the later stages of married life. So, discuss these questions and start a new chapter on a happy note.
- What are your suggestions on dealing with disagreements?
Altercations, quarrels, and arguments are all common in a marriage. Even friendly and peace-loving couples have minor disagreements. But they know how to prevent the issues from turning onto worse.
Likewise, you must be ready with your plan of action to deal with discord or conflicts. The start of a marriage is magical, but once the negativity crawls in, you may start having disagreements more often.
- Shouldn’t we divide the wedding expenses equally?
If the city hall is your wedding venue, then you may not incur heavy expenses. But if it is a destination wedding or a grand celebration, then you must divide the expenses equally. Talk to your elders and tell them that you wish to go the Dutch way.
Do not overburden one partner with the wedding expenditures, even if he comes from an affluent family. It is always better that you ask questions related to wedding expenses before you fix the wedding date.
- How to save for our vacations?
No, it’s not just about the honeymoon. It is also about yearly vacations and impromptu travel plans. But to travel you need money. How will you manage funds? Who will save more only for traveling?
These are some questions you need to ask your partner before getting married. You won’t be living a dull life, right? Then to keep the spark alive in your relationship, you need to travel and have fun together. And for that, you need a substantial amount of money.
- How do we define our relationship as a team?
Every couple is a team. And you need to define your relationship accordingly. A happy team, a sad team, a friendly team, a tentative team (that shows off superficial love), or just a survivor team (that is just being together for the society).
It may not sound important, but it is. That’s because a relationship takes several turns in life, and that changes your beliefs and values as well. But if you are sure about how you see each other from the beginning itself, then there will be fewer clashes.
- While raising a child, should anyone of you quit your job?
Raising a child is a full-time responsibility. It is arduous and time-consuming. But as a parent, you will be willing to do this. So, before the wedding, be clear on this part. Family planning is a must.
You should be ready with solutions on how to raise your child. It is also financially draining. So, quitting a job can overburden your other partner. But taking care of your child is also equally important. So, decide first, then write the vows.
- How should we address our intimate life woes?
We all know this is a crucial question. Every couple undergoes some stress related to physical intimacy. But if you are straightforward, and believe in having a happy married life, then; you must talk to your partner regarding these issues before the wedding.
- Do you have any goals related to marriage?
Not all couples have marriage goals. But some do have, and they are pretty mysterious. For instance, some do want to have children at least four or five years after the wedding. Some like to go on a random trip alone without their spouse for a couple of days twice a year.
These are just examples, and your partner may or may not have any such goals. But, it is better that you clarify these matters before taking the final plunge.
- In which matters should we allow our parents’ involvement?
My best advice, better not to involve parents. But in most cases, we often need elders’ advice. So, discuss the topics that your parents can involve in. Not just in sad matters but also in happy moments.
- Your views on child’s sexuality
Many Asian parents are conservative. So, it is better that you decide how you’ll welcome your baby. There should not be a problem once your baby is born. You must accept whatever your child is born with.
Also, in the future, if your son or daughter has different sexual preferences, then let them be themselves. Eventually, it is a personal choice. And you as parents must accept it, do not go against your child.
- Don’t you think we should take medical tests?
Who doesn’t enjoy in their youth? Boisterous night-outs and wild relationships can make you indulge in unwanted fantasies. But if you decide to stop and stick with one person, take medical tests. Only then get physical.
Always remember- prevention is better than cure. So, ask your partner if he is ready for the test before taking the vows. If not, then it is better you run away and look for someone who respects your stand.
